A Christmas Anecdote From the Tipi Wind Ranch

“Burn some of those for me,” I said to Robin as she pushed another sheet of Neiman Marcus cookies into the oven.

“I know how you like them, so this next batch is for you.”

Three minutes after the cooking timer sounded she brought forth a batch of, slightly burnt around the edge, cookies. I promptly burnt my tongue on a smoldering chocolate chip, then proceeded to eat sixteen more before they had a chance to cool.

Today she made peanut butter bon bons and sugar cookies (you know the ones with the green and red Christmas sprinkles on them). Contrary to what you may believe; I refrained from eating any. One has to show great restraint at this time of year because death by gluttony is always two bites away.

Winter arrived yesterday with an arctic air blast that froze my frost free hydrant out at the horse barn. I hadn’t anticipated this, since I had installed one of those high-tech-multi-special-no-freeze jobs several years ago. This is troublesome; the next outdoor faucet is 200 feet from the barn, or in labor terms: two one hundred foot hoses, which just happen to be frozen solid. So I struggle to coil them, (joy joy joy) it’s like trying to coil a pile of green oak branches. When finished, I haul the imperfect bundles along with two large dogs and two cats into the sunroom to thaw overnight, hopefully, those animals will generate enough body heat to keep the temp above freezing, or come morning I will be (six letter expletive here).

By mid-morning the temp had risen to a sweltering -1 Fahrenheit. Determined to deliver water for horses, I bundled up and make my move. Dashing outside I swiftly assemble the hoses while the north wind lashes my face. Running swiftly from the faucet to the water tank I stretch out the hose and promptly discover . . . I’m thirty feet short.

After recoiling the two hundred feet of hose, I drag it back into the sunroom, then precede to the shed to retrieve another fifty feet of gnarled frozen hose, which I heaped beside the rest.

The sunroom is like a sauna come afternoon, so I bolt from the house to join the three sections of hose and finally deliver the precious water. I stand by the tank and pet the horses as they drink with greedy enthusiasm. While the tank fills I watch the winter sun blaze out in the western sky and wonder what else hadn’t I anticipated . . . ?

It’s Christmas!  If only I had anticipated; my shopping (along with this letter) would have been done weeks ago. I would be cavorting in Christmas spirit by now, ready for mirth, merriment, and death by gluttony.

From our ranch to yours: Merry Christmas


Misnomer of the Day

The word equality has to be the most equivocal word in the English language. It is an abstract illusion used to define a nebulous concept. Equality has never existed in any form. This is what makes it so appealing to the left; equality doesn’t exist, therefor inequality can never be remedied. This misconception insures a limitless supply of victims, thus perpetuating the progressive socialist agenda indefinitely.

The universe is everything but equal. In nature, the strongest of a species survive to propagate the heard and pass along their genes for the benefit of the species. In the human species, man too has genetic variables; these variables determine intelligence, strength, agility, and longevity. This genetic predisposition enhances some to achieve greatness, wealth, and success beyond that of ordinary individuals.

Sure, I would like to be a movie star and earn twenty million per movie, or play pro football with all of the wealth and prestige that accompany that profession, but I do not possess the physical attributes to play pro ball, perform brain surgery, or manage a multinational company; unfortunately, this is the reality that most of us face.

The Orwellian notion, that there needs to be equality of pay and equality of wealth distributed amongst all humans is a totalitarian dream that perpetuates government largess while trampling the rights of individuals.

When Tomas Jefferson penned the words (We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal) he meant, for those of us who can read and interpret plain English, that all men have the same individual and natural rights. Which means one man’s rights don’t supersede another’s, and that groups of men have no more rights than each individual that composes that group, and no man, or groupings of men, shall infringe upon the rights of his fellow man.

As long as the government fosters this deceitful notion of equality, the longer it remains purposeful to the minions of idiots who willfully employ the state as highwaymen to rob their fellow man of his liberty, dignity and wealth.